Self Confidence Matters

Overcoming Shyness And Coming Out of Your Shell

selfconfidencematters — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 22:01:09 +0000

If you have ever experienced shyness, you know how unpleasant it feels. You may have been in a social setting, and felt as if you would like the ground to open up and swallow you. It is enough to make you want to refuse any invitations that come your way, and just stay home by yourself. Some statistics cite that about 50% of people have experienced these feelings for various durations of time in their lives. Often, it is associated with a lack of social experience and an unhealthy self-consciousness which is common among teenagers. But many adults have struggled with feelings of shyness that seem to build over time. Overcoming shyness and gaining confidence in social situations can be accomplished, but will require some determination.

We are all different. Sure, we can dress and act like other people, but we are all unique individuals. Rather than try to mask these qualities, so as not to draw attention, we need to celebrate them. One confidence builder, and the first step in overcoming shyness, lies in feeling good about ourselves. Making a list of your best qualities will start you thinking in the right direction. Be mindful of this list, as you deal with people every day, and eventually you will project those qualities, and be less likely to hide in a corner.

Comparing yourself to others will almost always lead to some feelings of insecurity. Someone will always be prettier, funnier or seemingly more at ease, and dwelling on those comparisons will likely make an already shy person even more introverted. So, try to keep your focus on just the other person and what they are saying, and work very hard to push negative or self-conscious thoughts out of your mind as soon as they pop up. Your attentiveness will pay off when you feel confident enough to join in a conversation.

Overcoming shyness requires small steps, and lots of practice. Try out your new techniques as often as you can. Little by little, those brief conversations with the clerk at the post office, or the bank teller will help you to feel less intimidated, and eventually, this growing confidence will bring you out of your shell and into a fun and promising world.

For more info on this and a complimentary video on destroying negative thinking patterns, please CLICK HERE

Overcome Social Shyness Quickly And Easily

selfconfidencematters — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 21:58:00 +0000

We all have our ‘comfort zones’, but for some people, those zones are very, very small. Shyness can be a truly paralyzing condition. For about 50% of people, who have reported feelings of shyness at one time or another, this may have been temporary, but for others, it is something that has lingered, and greatly affected their quality of life. Shyness is often attributed to strong feelings of self-consciousness, and a lack of experience in social settings. Often teenagers suffer from periods of shyness as they view themselves with a very critical eye, and seem to want nothing more than to blend in among their friends. For those adults who suffer from shyness, understanding the causes is just the first step to overcome social shyness once and for all.

A good first step is to look at yourself with a kind and not a critical eye. Chances are, when it comes to social settings, you are pretty hard on yourself. Being as kind to yourself as you would be to others will help to break the pattern of always feeling like you don’t measure up. Make a list of the positive and unique qualities that you possess, and read and reread it every day. This will help you to feel a new confidence, and remind you that you really DO have great things to contribute. Pay close attention to others in social settings, try hard not to let you mind wander back to a harsh assessment of your appearance, and behavior, as this will make you feel self-conscious.

If you know that you will be in a social setting, psych yourself up beforehand. The better you are prepared for those first few encounters, the better your chances to overcome social shyness. Preparation might involve thinking possible scenarios through in your mind, or coming up with some general responses, or phrases that will keep you part of the conversation, even if it is marginal at first, you will enjoy the confidence that this experience gives you. Try to practice as often as you can, and before you know it, you will have made tremendous progress, and may even begin to enjoy social settings, instead of dreading them.

For more help on this and a no cost video on how to overcome negative thought patterns, please go to http://www.selfconfidencematters.com

Overcome Shyness For a Happier Life

selfconfidencematters — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 21:55:27 +0000

If you are like most people, you have experienced shyness at some point in your life. It is estimated that 50% of people would describe themselves as being shy now, or at one time in their lives. But, unfortunately, when it comes to shyness, misery does not love company. Shyness can not only result in a lack of interpersonal relationships, but can have a negative impact on your job as well. The key to overcome shyness, is first of all, to understand what is likely causing it. Rather than mere inexperience in social settings, a strong feeling of self-consciousness is often the culprit. This explains why teenagers are often plagued with episodes of shyness, as this age group is hyper focused on their appearance, and they often want nothing more than to blend into their surroundings.

Therefore, the first step you need to take to overcome shyness, is to take the focus off of yourself, and be mindful in trying to keep it off. Develop good listening skills, so that when someone is speaking, you are paying 100% attention, and will block out any unpleasant thoughts about how you might be perceived. Even if it is as simple as noticing their eye color, speech dialect or body language will help to direct your thoughts away from yourself. This will have the added benefit of giving you plenty of options to respond, as you will have paid such close attention to the conversation. Focusing intently on others will also stop you from comparing yourself to everyone else, which often serves to magnify your feelings of shyness and inadequacy.

Prepare yourself in advance for those moments that might test your resolve. Make a list of the great and unique qualities about you, and read that list to yourself several times a day. This way, when you are tempted to scrutinize yourself, these wonderful things will come to mind. By starting out slowly, you will eventually learn to overcome shyness, and begin to share your personality with others. It may begin with a short and friendly interaction with someone at the grocery store. Count this as a great success, and feel good about the progress you have made, then try to do it again in another setting. Before you know it, you will find yourself feeling relaxed in settings that once made you cringe.

For more information on this and a no cost video on how to destroy negative thinking patterns, please go to http://www.selfconfidencematters.com

Steps Towards Defeating Shyness

selfconfidencematters — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 21:51:28 +0000

Many experts equate shyness with a lack of experience in social settings. This is largely because adolescents experience episodes of shyness more often than adults, suggesting that shyness is something that one naturally outgrows with time and exposure to these circumstances. However, for some adults, shyness seems to persist, and can feel paralyzing. If you are serious about defeating shyness, there are three steps that will help you to get started.

First of all, stop being so hard on yourself! Rather than focus on the times when you seemed to blend into the wallpaper, remind yourself of all the wonderful qualities you know that you have. Make a list of the great aspects of your personality, whether it is your special listening skills and memory, or your unique ability to find the silver lining in every situation. Read and reread that list, and embrace those wonderful qualities that are unique to you. Second, stop comparing yourself to other people, particularly the ‘life of the party’. Defeating shyness doesn’t mean you must turn into that person, and dwelling on those extroverted types, will make your social goals feel out of reach.

Chances are, if you really pay attention, you will realize that being ‘outgoing’ and ‘social’ can take on many different appearances. You do not have to be the center of attention, you simply have to feel like you have something to contribute, to a conversation, or group, and that you’ll be comfortable enough to share it. Finally, practice your techniques for defeating shyness a little bit each day. Prepare yourself with a general topic or two that you feel comfortable talking about, maybe it’s the weather, or the newest flower to bloom in your garden. Remember that list of your great qualities, and begin a conversation with someone. Whether it is the clerk at the drug store, or the person serving you at the supermarket, smile, make eye contact, and just start that conversation. Knowing that this will be a quick exchange will keep the pressure to a minimum, and once you are successful, you will have a little foundation to start to grow on. Give yourself a pat on the back, you did it!

For more help on this and a no cost video on how to destroy negative thought patterns please visit http://www.selfconfidencematters.com

Do You Find It Difficult To Find Social Anxiety Support?

selfconfidencematters — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 22:39:21 +0000

People with social anxiety actually fear interactions with other people. A chief part of their concerns is usually centered around their fear of being judged or evaluated by others. Because of this fear a person suffering with this will contemplate a variety of social situations and how they will react before they’re actually in that situation. In addition to the emotional aspects of this problem there are a few physical manifestations that will show up. Lots of people with social anxiety problems experience a tightness in the chest, appear shaky, develop clammy hands, have problems with their stomach, and the list goes on. Thankfully people that have this problem can find social anxiety support.

One area where people can find some social anxiety support is with a therapist. Cognitive behavioral therapy has been very effective in treating social anxiety. Essentially a therapist will talk with you a bit and help you re-think certain social situations in a way that would make the situation not as frightening. This type of therapy can be on a one on one basis or in a group setting with other people that have the same fears. A group setting is an excellent place to find social anxiety support.

In addition to the cognitive therapy, or in conjunction with that, there are a number of medications that can help. This kind of social anxiety support is essential for some people. One class of drugs that seem to help are the beta blockers. These drugs tend to block adrenaline in the body when it is under going some stress. One important thing to remember is that beta blockers merely help the physical signs of social anxiety and doesn’t really address the emotional signs. Another class of drugs that have been known to help people are benzodiazepines. The use of this class of drugs are to be closely monitored by doctors as they can be highly addictive.

In this day and age nobody needs to suffer from social anxiety alone. There are a number of resources out there and should be utilized. An important thing to remember is that if you or someone you love is suffering from social anxiety help is only a phone call away.

For a no cost video on how to destroy negative thinking patterns, please visit http://www.selfconfidencematters.com

Building High Self Esteem

selfconfidencematters — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 16:48:39 +0000

Before you begin on your journey to building high self esteem there are some simple things you should do. First, listen to what your body may be telling you. If you are consistently tired and always feeling sad, this may be a symptom of depression and needs to be treated by your health care professional. Once it is determined that this is low self esteem, it is time for you to start taking care of yourself. Take that long, warm bubble bath that you love, or begin an exercise program. The latter in itself is a great beginning in building up your self esteem. Exercise gives you that boost of energy and with each day of exercise you will see yourself becoming stronger and more confident. If your face is always sagging, so will your body, so start fixing both with exercise and positive thoughts.

Overcome all those negative thoughts that plague you once you start your program in building high self esteem. Try charging yourself a quarter every time you hear yourself saying, “I am such a jerk!” When you see the money building up, you will begin to understand yourself better. Then, when you can say “I am not a jerk” or I can do that and I deserve it, take away a quarter. When you say negative things about yourself you begin to believe it and it makes things worse. Begin spouting only positive things about yourself. Set goals for yourself that are reasonable and where you feel you can achieve success. Each time this occurs, your self confidence gets stronger and stronger. When a problem arises, set out to solve that problem by looking at it closely to see how this can be achieved. Do not avoid the problem but go at it head on.

Building high self esteem can be accomplished by these simple methods such as changing your lifestyle. Eat regularly, exercise and take some time for yourself. Ignore all those self-deprecating thoughts about yourself and use positive words to reinforce your growing self-confidence and begin to focus on what you can do. Most importantly, rely on your opinion rather than what others have to say. Your opinion of yourself is what counts. Continue to use only positive words and always think positive thoughts. Think of all those quarters you can put back in your pocket.

For more info on this and a no cost video on destroying negative thinking patterns, please visit http://www.selfconfidencematters.com

Overcoming Low Self Esteem

selfconfidencematters — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 16:44:30 +0000

When you were in school, or even as an adult at work, did you back off when they asked for volunteers or for someone to do a special project? You felt you would not succeed and everyone would laugh at you. Or perhaps you really wanted that promotion at work but again you just knew that you were not the right one for the job and did not have the knowledge to get it done right. When someone gives you a compliment, do you just shrug and deny you really did a good job? These types of problems can hold you back in whatever goal you wish to achieve. It is now time to learn about overcoming low self-esteem.

If you are aware of the fact that you have this problem, as many of us do, you know it is time to seek some sort of help in overcoming low self esteem. Psychologists, or counsellors may be able to help in finding out what may have been the initiating factor in lowering your self-esteem. However, sometimes it is difficult to find someone you can truly talk to. Your spiritual leader, if you are so inclined, may also be able to help you but most probably on a limited basis. There are things most people don’t like to speak about with their spiritual leader.

You can start overcoming low self esteem on your own by affirming this fact to yourself. Each morning as you prepare yourself for your day, tell yourself that you can do whatever job that comes your way. If the way you look is the problem, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you look really good today and you have a great smile. Continue this every day, and even several times during the day if possible, and soon you will begin to know this is true. Meditation is another alternative. This is quite similar to that mentioned above but is done in a quiet place where there is nobody to bother you. Again during meditation, picture yourself as being filled with self-esteem in all situations. You will begin to slowly notice a change in your demeanor for the better.

For more information on this and a complimentary video on destroying negative thinking patterns, please go to http://www.selfconfidencematters.com

Coping with anxiety can be a problem, unless you know how

selfconfidencematters — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 23:24:31 +0000

If you have never experienced an anxiety attack, you cannot know the emotional toll that it takes on your body. Coping with anxiety is a problem many in our society need to do. This problem is so widespread and includes people from every walk of life. The first step in learning to deal with this is to admit to yourself that you have a problem and acknowledge the fact that you have a social anxiety problem that needs to be treated. There is nothing to be ashamed of in having this disorder. Unfortunately many people try to hide their condition and do not seek help until it has truly become a problem. This is particularly true in young teenagers.

Coping with anxiety can seem overwhelming to some people and in most cases they require some psychological counselling and possibly medication to help reduce the symptoms. Your psychologist, or other health care worker, will first decide if you are just generally an anxious person or if there is something specific that will trigger your anxiety and they will work on that with you. Some people have an irrational fear of certain places or animals which can trigger an anxiety attack. You must first, as stated, acknowledge this fear and then try to work through this fear. Slowly seeking out that particular fear may help you to accept the idea that there is nothing to fear. This method, along with medication administered by your health care professional, can aid in overcoming your anxiety.

Find out all you can about your specific anxiety problem and if needed, go to a support group. If you are a business person and need to speak in front of others, this can bring on an attack. One way of learning to cope with your anxiety is to picture yourself standing in front of a group speaking clearly and appearing quite self-confident. Continuing this type of therapy, no matter what your particular fear, can truly help in coping with anxiety. If you see yourself calm, self-confident and extremely comfortable, your brain will believe this to be true and you may surprise yourself in how well you do. Learn about your problem and then take steps correct it. Most importantly, believe in yourself.

For more information on this and for a no cost video on how to destroy negative thinking patterns, please visit http://www.selfconfidencematters.com

How To Overcome Shyness

selfconfidencematters — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 17:40:28 +0000

We have all heard of the phrase ‘to stand out from the crowd’. If you are looking to land that job you have been after or impress someone on a date then it is quite useful to be able to ‘stand out from the crowd’. If you have ever found yourself overlooked for opportunities when other less experienced or less qualified people manage to push in front of you then the chances are you were just not getting yourself noticed enough. Why? The chances are because you have been too timid or shy about it.

Some people say shyness is the natural enemy of confidence and with good reason. Now don’t get me wrong a little shyness in the form of modesty is an attractive attribute to a lot people but we are not talking about that. What we are discussing here is the type of shyness that prevents you from speaking clearly to people. The sort of shyness that prohibits you from being outward to people you don’t know. In short the type of shyness that can prevent you from achieving your full potential.

There is a common perception amongst many shy people that they are ‘the way they are’ due to genetic or other biological reasons. Now we are not here to have a biology lesson (lets’ leave that to the scientists) but let me assure you of this fact. There is not a single shy person who can’t get rid of their inhibitions should they choose too no matter what their biological make up. This is because as human beings we have the ability to make ourselves be what ever we want. What is important is to have the will to change and, just as importantly, the ability to stop labelling yourself as a naturally shy person.

Labelling is one of the main ways we affirm an identity to ourselves. This can be expressed outwardly , for instance in the clothes we wear and the music we listen to; or inwardly in the way we affirm emotions and thoughts to our identity. The more we affirm something the more we take it to be true and unshakeable. We fall in to the trap of acting in a certain way simply by falling into the trap of thinking we are that way inclined. But the power of the mind can be a double edged sword.

So if we can affirm a shy identity to ourselves then it naturally follows that we can also attach a more outward extroverted persona as well. One of the best ways to do this is by wiping the mental slate clean to turn a phrase. Appreciate yourself as a fluid being not something set in stone. Avoid directly thinking about your shyness as an individual and instead begin thinking about the situations in life you would like to find yourself being more confident in. This could be a dinner party or even a visit to the supermarket. Basically begin imagining our you would like to be perceived by others and yourself.

One of the most common whys people attempt to overcome shyness is through alcohol. If you enjoy a drink you will know that one of the most enjoyable (and occasionally embarrassing) aspects of a drink is that you lose previously held inhibitions. You might find yourself saying or doing things that you would not consider doing in a million years. Many shy people turn to drink as away to conquer their inhibitions. The problem is that this can lead to a dependency on drink that becomes unsustainable in day to day living. You can’t rightly go for a job interview after a few whiskeys now can you! This type of reliance can lead to people making excuses for their shyness – “ I can only talk to people I don’t know when I have had a drink’” is a commonly heard expression from people who label themselves as shy.

You transformation from shy introvert to outgoing extrovert needs to be as organic as possible. One of the reasons that alcohol is used by so many shy people is because it makes strangers seem less frightening. Drink emboldens us within ourselves , and this is the key point here. To develop a knack of meeting new people you must start to look at other people differently.

One of the simplest ways to start doing this is through imagination. In the same way we discussed using your mind to transform your own beliefs about your own identify. So too should you think about how other people deserve the same blank slate treatment. In other words – approach other people with an open mind. After all, what have you got to lose?

To see a video on how to overcome shyness in social situations, please CLICK HERE

The Power Of Positive Thought

selfconfidencematters — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 11:09:14 +0000

A positive frame of mind is important for so many reasons. Positive thinking is proven to enhance performance in productivity and quality. We tend to think more creatively and perform better when we are feeling positive and well. When you are on top form, your confidence levels will go through the roof and this can only help you in your work and personal life. If you can sustain yourself with regular challenges and honest self appraisal, the benefits are enormous.

Fear induces us to put the brakes on; to stop thinking in a productive way. Fear of poverty, of losing face, of being proved wrong hold us back from taking part in active decision making. As our judgement becomes clouded with negative thinking, we become timid in the face of adversity. Opportunity becomes redefined as an impossible challenge and we end up standing still whilst the rest of the world passes us by. Negative emotions are emotions such as anger, fear, anxiety, jealousy regret, sadness. These emotions are capable of not only having a powerful, unwanted effect on you physically, but also of having a significant impact the way you conduct your life. Negative emotions can engrain habits of limiting decision making.

One of the benefits of personal development is that it can encourage all the healthy parts of you to grow and the less savoury parts to whither on the vine. It can improve our general well being and make us more harmonious inside. All of our emotional processes, attitudes, values, our beliefs and motivations are interconnected.

If life was easy then we would have nothing to be motivated for. That is why by bringing in other challenges and goals – be it learning another language or taking up a new creative hobby – you can develop a highly disciplined mind that will assist you in many other areas of life. Maintaining confidence and motivation is the secret to long term success. However, long term success is achieved from short term goals! What this means is through setting smaller goals and then rewarding yourself for achieving them on a regular basis.

Thinking well is being well. There are only a minority of people who achieve success without having any belief in themselves or in what they are doing. Be proud of the positive steps you have decided to take in asserting control over your life

Think well of yourself. Change negative self-talk to positive self-encouragement. Give yourself the same consideration you would give a cherished friend. Learn to become your own cheer leader instead of your own worst critic. Once you have banished these negative thoughts, you should turn your attention towards coming up with an action plan. This plan will form the bedrock of your positive state of mind. You can take this even further by putting reward days into the planner to act as an extra bit of motivation. By breaking your routine down into a series of short term goals you will have more fun and experience a greater sense of accomplishment along the way. Of course this will only work if you are honest and open with yourself. Your journal should never lie otherwise you are only telling lies to yourself and defeating the object of your goal.

Your plan should be customised according to your own personal set of requirements and informed judgement. The effects of this are that you will be proving to yourself that you can take control of your own destiny. With a clear structure in place, you will never lose focus of the task in hand. This will help to avoid the feelings of helplessness and submissiveness that can happen to people who feel like they are not in control of a situation.

For more information on the power of positive thought, please visit CLICK HERE